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Let’s finally wrap this awkward journey up…….thank me later…….

Right. I have successfully survived almost 2 days in this new age bracket, and am today lucid enough to wrap up my pilgrimage to maturity, before it becomes something that is just a distant archive…….

Sooooooo, over the last 12 weeks, I have endeavoured (I REFUSE to use the American spelling…..and I don’t care that spellcheck continues to underline this in red!!!, to come to terms with leaving behind those magical 30’s (whatever the hell that means..), in order to enter a whole other decade that for the most part, seems to broadcast youth extermination. I initially also set out to find some mystical methods for turning back the cruel hands of time, and become a well adjusted, mature human being. Achieving goals is so overrated!!!!!

I would love to say that I have erased 10 years off my appearance with a very budget friendly, easy to apply cream (without also morphing into a thunderbird lookalike….), developed a passion for daily affairs with terry the treadmill, consistently eaten food that doesn’t have a 20 year expiry date, have learnt to not carry out every task in life resembling a manic epileptic, have embraced all the beige uninteresting aspects that make a night out at the state library seem fun, worked tirelessly on eradicating insane phobias and neuroses that allow me to at least make peace with rebellious hairs that prefer my socks to my head, and given the homeless a run for their money with my spartan living. Fail!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I guess 12 weeks really isn’t long enough after all. 12 years…maybe. It is not all bleak however. I have stuck to something longer than Justin Beiber’s potential career, and am now able to enjoy the fact that EVERY night is now no longer dictated by superfluous documentation of not much. I have also learnt a lot (perhaps too much), about myself, and am cognisant of a million more things to work on……I aim to be a highly developed youthful looking being at my budget funeral……no flowers please…

Now, because I have fallen in love with lists, it seems quite apt to exploit this fun cataloguing system one more time to get my extremely important points across………..

12 weeks……….lessons learnt (a very short list)

Maintenance IS important. Whether it be yourself, or stuff, not attending to such matters means extra frustration and public humiliation. Whilst stained clothing, dust (aka dead skin cells) coated everything, and unkempt body parts may sound like the quintessential good time, the consequences are a real drag. If I look hard enough, I’m sure the dust mites haven’t completely taken over my bookshelves………who needs books anyway??

Exercise and healthy eating hate the whole flirting scene. Unfortunately this duo is rather demanding, and favours the long term affair over the casual fling. This does not suit me one bit, but obviously this is irrelevant. So what if I like to just dabble in the two… week on, three weeks off…..sooo………..this will be a continued work in progress…

Just when you thought YOUR diet was bad...........

...Although, even healthy food gets the shits.........

Some things are out of our control. Actually lots of things are, but to make this final post not soooo suicide provoking, I shall embrace the word ‘some’. Deficient brain chemicals can be a real bitch (no offense to any bitches…), and can make any naive attempts at betterment, at times, an insurmountable pain in the ass. Waking up with the intention to embrace tasteless breakfast and mind numbing exercise, with the overwhelming sensation to instead remain horizontal thinking up special names for your toes and toast crumbs, is not something that even the best event’s planner could organise, and can really throw a life sized seagull offering on any potential good day. Yes, there are ways to deal with this, but finding the right one can be almost as horrendous as the whole counting toes caper…..hmmmmmm, choices……

Ok........I don't hate exercise that much........

Devolution. This is a natural consequence of being on the planet, and requires intervention. Unfortunately we don’t just get better and more highly evolved as we get older, unless we employ super duper tools to do so. This is soo sad. Why can’t we just magically bloom, and lose every crazy idiosynchrasy purely based on aging cells. I’m learning this the hard way, and now realise that in order to lose stalking loose hair phobias, or neuroses regarding fellow humans standing (or sitting, not discriminating..), behind me, doing a frizzy hair count….there is a LOT of hard work involved, and doesn’t come with sick pay or superannuation…….

For everything crap thing about life and humans, there are also the great things…..and animals seem to do a nice job convincing me of this fact. If only I was born an alpaca……the life I could currently be having……Ok, I’m sure they have their issues too, and being used for my fabulous coating to manufacture gloves and scarves, and accused of frequent spitting, would really get me down. Having this lovely species around though, makes life sometimes seem a tad lovely, and being surrounded by such cuteness regularly, makes one temporarily forget about the crap human that thinks driving too slow warrants a fatal beating.

Now, I’m sure I have learnt a lot more than this in 12 weeks……..Actually, I really hope I have. No doubt I will discover these as time goes by, and I develop into that mature human being that adores chit chat about the economy, and why dinner before dessert is really in my best adult interest, and in no way negotiable………Oh.dear.

So, good bye 30’s, hello 40’s. Youth is so overrated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The End.


I guess I really have achieved my goals!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If only ELO could write a song about this topic.............

P.S. Thanks to all, for sharing this delightful journey with me, and let’s hope you find something equally ridiculous and uneventful to replace these daily meanderings with…..I guess the television does serve a societal purpose after all……….


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