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Week 12……Day 6…..Miracles…..pfft…..Nothing beats suffering and complaining……..

Miracle: “a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.”

I think this may very well be what is lacking in my life……unless getting out of bed before noon fits this description…which means I have today been granted one, and will most likely have to make some pilgrimage to some deity somewhere, to express my gratitude…..yep, thanks heaps…..I owe you one….

Now, I realise miracles happen everyday to lots of people, and I’m very happy for them. In fact, they not only happen to living beings, but, inanimate stuff….and I have proof. On a very reputable current affairs show (exploring only the hard hitting issues…), there appears to now be a ‘miracle’ dress. That is correct. One dress, 20,000 different ways to wear it. One dress, throw out the rest of your wardrobe. Who cares if your friends get sick of seeing your daily reconfigurations of the sassy red lycra. Who cares if your body doesn’t event suit red lycra. When they come complaining to you about their limited wardrobe space, and endless laundry hours, who’ll be the one having the last laugh in their versatile strapless bandage?? Sassy and frugal……..win win….

I guess you could deem so called ‘makeovers’, rather miraculous too. Having body parts sucked, dyed, painted, chiseled, plumped, paralysed, and reconstructed, to emerge as an adolescent muppet really is quite a miracle. Nobody said miraculous outcomes were necessarily favourable (or fit for human consumption….).

The fact that Spam (yes, that gelatinous vomit in a can), is still on the market, and obviously being consumed by enough people (with missing taste buds and brain cells no doubt), to keep it a purchasable product, has got to also be considered a miracle???? Although referring back to my assignment type quote at beginning of this piece of literary fun, the outcome is supposedly welcome consequences. I have my doubts with this one…….

Inhaling 3000 calories after a big night out, and having no recollection of such an event. Surely this is a miracle?? And a very sad realisation all at the same time…….But let’s not negate the miraculousness of such a feat, and the body’s ability to absorb the 10 kebabs and fries with such finesse………..

Observing yet ANOTHER music video clip with half dressed gyrating women pretending to adore idiot singing male (who appears to be earnest, but is no doubt more concerned more about bad hair day), and not topping self. This has miracle written all over it. If there was ever an antithesis to intelligence and self respect, surely this is it (well, one of many..). Does anyone really enjoy this ridiculous crap?? Clearly they do, or I wouldn’t be featuring it in my ‘miracle’ rant. Again, not sure about the whole welcome consequences deal on this miracle…..

Ok, enough about miracles. Although, the fact that I’m still writing this stuff is a miracle in itself. I’m thinking that starring in a music clip in hot pants, and pretending to find some idiotic bonehead desirable, may be more appealing……..Warning: please do not take this last sentence seriously…….or I will have to really delete this blog from cyberspace……..

Unfortunately, despite this being so close to the end, I still have nothing fabulous worth reporting, and am yet again resorting to ridiculous observations about stuff that perhaps only I’m interested in…and sometimes I’m over it too……….

So, my lesson for the day, despite this whole miracle caper, which I’d really love to be party to, is some very timely advice from mr television doctor……”you can’t put off getting healthy.” Although, I do like procrastinating……..and I must admit, this weekend I have committed nutrition suicide and not given a second thought to the demanding needs of my body………..nag nag nag……But I’m still here to tell the tale, and despite being at loggerheads with all that matter attached to my neck, I have earnestly tried to indulge it today………some things are just really hard to please…….

Ok, THIS (beer pie) is nutrition suicide.........my feats were just a weak attempt.......

I now have ONE more day left in my 30’s and I’m not closer to finding any youth elixirs, or miracle cures for sending me back to my insecure acne filled teens (those were the days…..). The whole wisdom/maturity thing hasn’t really taken off either, and I may very well wake up in 2 days time and just be a somewhat older version of me………oh hell………this is rather frightening and realistic……..Thankfully denial and I are BFF’s……..

Perhaps my miracle will take place in the next 48hrs…………Although I think I have a better chance of abseiling down the Eiffel Tower in cellophane…….

Fi

Smiling family portrait with the old vertebrae thrown in for good measure.......miracle no, deranged yes........

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