Hello potential voyeurs, since the rest of the world seems to be communicating through every other means besides physical contact, I’ve decided to embrace it too! I am also in need of some public humiliation, so what better way to achieve this than to track a 12 week journey into a new decade where I will attempt to achieve goals that I’ve managed to fail for 39yrs thus far (this could be interesting), learn things about myself I probably don’t want to know (and most likely nobody else wants to know), enter the next (older) phase of my life with increased wisdom (yeah, whatever….), and some kind of clear direction (one that doesn’t include being a passenger on a bullet train headed towards a brick wall).
Since I can’t stick to anything for longer than 12 mins (call it ADHD, scatterbrain, boredom, lazy…..), I figure trying to stick to something for 12 weeks, with the possibility of other human beings being privy to the horror could be just the thing to at least get me to the 13 min mark… sooo, my commitment to myself and the 3 other people who may read this blog (thanks family..), is to write a daily post on this ever so exciting journey of healthy living (ok, not too healthy), facing up to the boring bits about being an adult (you know, opening your superannuation mail, doing your tax..), finding a fabulous vocation that doesn’t bore the hell out of me (okay, perhaps this one is a pipe dream…), come to terms with the end of a love affair aka my 30’s (I’ll remember them ever so fondly), and perhaps discover some miracle products/exercises/secrets/chants/snake oils/gurus/money wasting scams that will ensure I biologically return to my teens….yeah, am pretty sure I’ll achieve this last one.
Sooo, tomorrow Wed 25th May, marks exactly 12 weeks to my 40th birthday…..the day I wake up and pat myself on the back for being a super healthy human being, with all her boring adult affairs in order, the dewy skin of a 16yr old (minus the acne), body of an athlete (one that doesn’t get up too early for daily training), chortling as I head off to my dream job….yep, and I will be smarter (at least I think this comes with the whole widsom thing being older and all), and I will definitely know who I am after such an insightful journey (and if I don’t, I’m sure I can invent someone).
Now to put this all into action…because I love talking about what I’m going to do…..doing it is a complete other story (one with a very unhappy ending). In order to become this unbelievably healthy specimen, I shall recommit to my plethora of vitamin supplements. I have no doubt that the money I have spent on these over the years could have ended world starvation, but let’s not dwell on the negative. I will also endeavour to be a consistent exerciser because this is apparantly more beneficial than one week on, 23 off. Who would of thought that nice toned muscles and a healthy cardiovascular system needed the regularity……there are sooo many rules in the universe. I shall also return to 80% healthy eating, 20% good time eating/drinking….don’t want to overdo it. I have actually been consistent with this 80/20 rule for a while now, unfortunately the 80% junk and alcohol isn’t ideal. I will also use myself as a human guinea pig (yes, I’d do that for you all), to find the elixir of youth, even if it kills me. There must be some secret ingredient they’re extracting from a fossilised relative of Cleopatra that will soon be available in an easy to apply, no fuss night cream. And I will discover this all on a budget, because who needs the stress of bankruptcy? I’m sure it’s aging!!
Ok, so the physical aspect of this journey is probably the easy part. Becoming more enlightened, intelligent, ordered etc etc……well, just thinking about it makes me want to retreat to the bedcovers with a bottle of wine and trashy magazine. Ok, that’s not the right attitude, I will attempt to embrace all the tools available to me, such as the glut of self help books which promise me things I didn’t even know I needed, listening to inspirational people (and not the 3am drunks I run into regularly), and trying to make better choices when it comes to self preservation (note to self: staying out all night isn’t always conducive to a productive next day). Geez, it all sounds so easy really…..and all without the help of Oprah.
So tomorrow is officially D Day…the day that I metaphorically start writing a very personal tragic diary, lose it on the bus, have it found by some really nasty sticky beak who then proceeds to stick it on a billboard for anyone to read (or mock). I guess having no shame and being a clear glutton for punishment ensures that I will stick to this journey even if it ends up in devolution…..but I’m sure this won’t be the case….(crap, where’s Oprah when I need her??)
Time to go and write a hundred different plans in a hundred different notepads about the logistics of all this hot air I’ve just sprouted……here’s to 12 wks of fun (I think this may be a french word for “yeah, good luck with that”)
Fi
12weeksto40 